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Bouts of Self-doubt


I admit it. I am a strange creature.


When everything is going fine and I’m doing good work and I am aware of it too, all of a sudden I get a bout of self-doubt. It starts in one particular area and, like a forest-fire, spreads very rapidly and I start doubting everything that I am doing.


I proceed to question it all…right from the basics to the more superficial things about me and also declare the judgement that it is all horribly wrong. I convince myself that I am, and everything about me is, worthless. I get confused and feel stuck and feel sure that I won’t ever be able to do anything right. I feel like stopping everything that I am doing, since I ‘know’ that it is wrong and thus ought to be stopped.

Then after wallowing in self-doubt for some time, either I realise or somebody, usually the better half, realises that I am suffering from a bout of self-doubt and with some or much effort, either from the better half or me, I return to my original confident and self-assured self :)
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Swapnali said…
It was such a coincidence that I watched the movie Doubt last night. A very well made movie although I am not a big fan of unresolved endings. Meryl Streep is stunning!

There was nice line in the movie: Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone.
7 April 2009 at 20:48
The Wanderer said…
Wow ! What an amazing line...and how reassuring..."When you are lost, you are not alone" !

And yes, neither am I comfortable with unresolved anything :)
8 April 2009 at 14:17
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